


Let me feel as hurt as you

by EternalSinner



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drown in drama, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, We Die Like Men, slight AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2020-12-31 19:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21150710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalSinner/pseuds/EternalSinner
Summary: The war is over.You have won.The former empress is to be executed in the morning.All is well.Then, why does it feel so wrong?Or:Byleth decides to pay Edelgard one last visit for her own peace of mind.It doesn't go as well as she hoped.





	1. Light and shadow

The war is over. You have won.

Yet your head is still in turmoil.

So here you are.

You’re not entirely sure what brings you to these depths. At least that is what you keep telling yourself. You’re avoiding thinking too deeply about the true reasons, not letting those thoughts dwell in your mind for too long. It makes you want to panic. And you can’t panic now. This is your only chance. 

There’s a stoic expression on your face, but underneath that the thoughts are threatening to overtake you. So with some effort, you brush them aside and carry on into the depths, cold and dark, with only the occasional candle to keep you company.

_Just one last talk._

Because tomorrow…

It's all you need, you tell yourself once more, brushing the other thought aside. Thoughts and feelings swarm through you head like buzzing insects only moments after you freed yourself from them. You shrug them off once more, determined to make it to the end.

You can do this, you tell yourself. There’s no room for doubt in your heart. Or panic. Or anything else.

You need answers. For your own peace of mind.

You quietly make your way to the catacombs of the palace. _Her _palace. Or former, now. You don't run into anyone. No guards to stop you, no out of place servants, not even when you makes your way to the entrance of the underground prison. It makes sense, you think, you did ask Dimitri and Claude for time alone with her. A favor to their old teacher.

After you woke up again Edelgard had already begun her conquest.

You made your way to Garreg Mach to understand what was going on. You were greeted by a solemn Claude, who had no idea what to do but to protect what he held dear. With some effort you managed to sway him to at least _try _and do something.

Meanwhile Dimitri was rampaging somewhere else, hurt beyond belief. It had taken painstakingly long to convince him to see reason.

With the both of them in tow you turned to her.

Any attempt to communicate with Edelgard had fallen on deaf ears. Wordlessly she continued what she started all those years ago back in the tomb. What had started with her betrayal. Which maybe started long before the tomb.

It hurts just to think of it.

You take a deep breath. It's not like you didn't feel anything before, but now that you have you heart back emotions are always lurking in your mind. At first they overwhelmed and confused you, but now you’re beginning to make sense of them. There’s the trauma from the things you experienced during her time as a mercenary, and later in the war. There’s the fond memories of teaching and spending time with them that make you feel warm. There’s hurt from seeing them take arms against one another and there’s grief over the ones that have perished. But most of all, your thoughts and feelings keep drifting to _her. _

You don’t understand your feelings for her at all. 

There's anger for the betrayal, of course. But numerous other feelings contort and twist painfully, and oddly sometimes pleasurably, in your stomach.

You think that maybe, just maybe, if you can have one last conversation with her, your feelings will fall into place and the knot in your stomach will fade. Then you can resolve this once and for all and move on with your life. Begin to pick up the pieces that she will leave behind.

You haven’t talked to her in five years. Not really, at least. There was the yelling of threats, warnings and commands. You could have sworn you saw the occasional long stare in your direction from her whenever you met on the battlefield.

And you could hear her yell, no _scream_, your name as she was captured after being beaten and severely wounded.

Over and over again you hear her calling out to you in your mind. You didn’t do anything then, just numbly watched from a distance as soldiers restrained the seemingly deranged woman. Even when clearly beaten she was still clinging onto that dream she had. That dream that she would burn everything she had for to achieve. She nearly did.

You didn’t feel anything as you won the war. As you helped taking down her banners from her palace and replaced them with your own.

You thought you understood her reasons. A misguided girl with too much power and false ideals at best. A mad tyrant with blood on her hands at worst.

But why did she keep calling your name?

You’ve pondered this endlessly, nearly enough to drive you mad as well, but no answer would come to you.

So here you are.

Walking down endless corridors to go to her and resolve things once and for all. You want to understand her and her actions. But maybe you also want to understand your own feelings regarding her.

Anger rises in you.

How could she do all these horrific things? But also, how could she do this to _you_?

You force the feeling aside again. Anger will get you nowhere, won't get you the answers you so desperately crave. Thinking you’re the only one who was betrayed by her is selfish. Many were hurt by her actions. You take another deep breath and walks around the final corner, into the last hall adorned with prison cells. 

She's the only one imprisoned in this forgotten part of the castle. It was supposed to be for the most important prisoners of the palace after all. And who is more important than its former queen?

The white haired woman is in the last cell to the left. When she enters your vision all you can do is gasp. 

At least she's somewhat adequately clothed for the cold here, is the first thing to come to your mind.

But everything positive has been said with that.

She's dressed in a long grey tunic with long sleeves and pants. It looks worn and damaged. Her wrists are chained to the wall, forcing her to sit on her knees on the stone floor. In that position she can just rest her wrists on her lap. Her hair is a tangled mess and her head is hanging downward. There's dried blood on the visible parts of her body, in her hair and some stains have formed though her clothes, indicating there's untreated wounds beneath them. You can see the scars on the visible parts of her body, both old and new ones. 

The sight makes you feel sick to your stomach.

You stand still and just look at her, taking in the vision of not the glorious empress but a weakened young woman clinging on to life. You wonder about that last bit. She looks like she’s dead already, if it weren’t for her chest rising and falling.

She’s barely sitting upright, instead she’s slumped against the wall. She looks so defeated.

She can’t see you with her head hanging, but surely she must have heard you.

Still, it takes her a while to raise her head, she only begins to do so after you stood there quietly for some time. 

When she does, she recognizes you instantly. The first thing she does is sit up straight. It reminds you of the days you had her in your classroom.

Several expressions seem to cross her face. The first is shock, followed by disbelief, then realization seems to settle in. Finally, to your surprise, something serene settles in her worn and tired features. She almost looks at peace. 

"My teacher, you came..." She utters the words quietly, her voice ragged from negligence. You think you see the hint of tears well up in her face. "I get to see you," she murmurs and then she has the gut to smile at you, her eyes glazy and unfocused. It almost feels like she's talking to herself.

Anger rises and threatens to take over once more.

"You're to be executed in the morning," you hear yourself say coldly, as if you just came her to inform her of that fact. You immediately regret it. Stupid emotions, it’s like they’re controlling you, you think. 

Edelgard's peaceful expression falters, if only for a split second. She casts her glance downwards, then meets your eyes once more.

"I'm aware,” she says softly. “They have been reminding me regularly."

Something twists inside your stomach. She says it so easily, like there's no weight in her words at all. That's not how you remember the ever serious and stoic woman. With her it always felt like every word she spoke bore the weight of the world.

"Alright," you reply awkwardly, staring down. 

You don’t know what to say.

"Will you be there?" Edelgard asks suddenly, and this time there's a hint of the tightness in her voice you remember from so long ago. Like she was always trying her best to hide her true emotions.

As it turned out, she was.

Flashes of tea parties and chance meetings late at night enter your mind. She always gave of the feeling there was more, _so _much more behind the tightness in that voice of hers. Every word calculated as not to reveal too much. But at the same time, when you were alone with her, she gave of the feeling she wanted you, and only you, to know what was behind her words and mask.

"...Yes," you respond and you feel out of your depth. This is not going according to plan.

You look up again. 

You don’t expect to find the younger woman smiling faintly at you, or rather just past you. 

"Good," she says, relief evident in her voice. "That makes me feel at ease."

You don’t know how to respond to that. For a moment you feel frozen on the spot, staring intently at the prisoner.

"Why?" You eventually manage to say, your voice strained. It's not what you planned to say, not at all, but it's the only thing you can utter. It feels like you can hardly breathe with those conflicting feelings trying to strangle you.

"Why what?" Edelgard asks curiously, shifting her position ever so slightly. It can't be comfortable, you think. 

_Why didn't you tell me about your plans?_

_Why did you do it to begin with?_

_Why didn't you involve me?_

_Why didn't you let me choose?_

_Why would you do this?_

_Why?_

_Why...?_

Numerous questions cross you mind.

But you don't say any of them. Instead you look at the stone floor once more. Unable to bear the sight of her like that and unable to say what's on your mind. 

You’re surprised when you see a droplet fall and splash against black tiles beneath you. Then another one. And another.

You’re crying, you realize.

Overwhelmed by a sudden rush of some kind of emotion you grip the iron bars holding Edelgard in the cell. "I..., you," you say roughly but still the words won't come. You don’t understand these feelings, the only thing you currently can understand is the rage. 

To your surprise the younger woman smiles again, this time sadly. "I suppose there is a lot of whys, aren't there?"

You nod weakly. 

There's a long moment of heavy silence before Edelgard speaks up again. "It was decided for me from an early age, really. After what they did to me, to my siblings, there wasn't any other option than to _try _and do something with the power I was set to wield. I simply followed the path that was created for me." She says it lightly but she balls her hands into fists, the only tell that what she says is of importance to her.

"But what about what _you _wanted. Your future, your friends, me. You had so much and you abandoned it all," you hear yourself say, the tears starting to dry and anger taking over once more. 

"Don't you see?" Edelgard says, raising her voice suddenly. "I never had anything, not after what was done to me. All I had was a path that I didn't choose, that I was forced on from early childhood. To try and create a future not for myself but a future for everyone else. It was never about what I wanted but about what I had to do. "

"Surely you must have wanted something for yourself?" You ask disbelievingly, finally beginning to find the words you’re so desperately looking for.

At this Edelgard gives you a startled look, and remains staring at you just a little too long, as if somehow what she wants to say will get across if she keeps staring. You hope it does.

Abruptly she looks down. You feel a tinge of sorrow.

"There was,” she whispers. “But what I wanted was less important than my ideals."

"And now you're going to die for them," you spat, feeling anger and other, more confusing feelings, rise in your chest. This wasn’t what you wanted to say, you wanted to delve deeper on what it was that Edelgard wanted. But emotions can be beasts lurking in the darkness, jumping out at unexpected moments. You’re been learning that recently.

The tone of your words make Edelgard look up again, a calculating look in her eyes. 

"Not _for _them,” She says, correcting you. Her tone is calm but there’s something lurking underneath. “_Because _of them, yes. But I will be dying tomorrow as myself. Not for anyone's sake. I lost, I have nothing left to fight for. Fodlan’s future is out of my hands." To your surprise a peaceful expression adorns her face once more. "That means I'm finally free." 

She laughs quietly at you, and a strange kind of _something _threatens to burst from your chest. You want her to stop, but you want her to never stop at the same time.

She sounds almost delirious when she speaks up again.

“I never wanted to be queen, I never wanted to rule. But I had my role to fill. I had to. For my siblings, for my parents and for the people of Fodlan who were kept in the dark about the truth for so long. I had a role to play. I was merely a pawn in that complicated game, everyone is.”

She looks down for a moment, as if pondering what to say next. When she looks up her expression has changed, she stares at you with an intense look in her eyes, the one you’d occasionally see back in the academy days, life flickering behind them.

“But then _you _suddenly appeared, my teacher, as if by divine intervention, and everything changed. You weren’t a pawn in this game, it felt like you were the player. The way you beautifully made your way through conflict, be it war or political, everything came so natural to you. And everyone wanted to follow you.” She falls still for a moment, then smiles tenderly at you. “Even I wanted to do that,” she says and it sounds like a confession of sorts.

You swallow hard, and your mouth feels dry.

You want to ask why she didn’t follow you, if she had wanted to, but the answer would be obvious. You weren’t on her path, in fact you were destined to cross it.

You wish you could go into her cell to… to do what exactly? You don’t know. You want some form of contact.

Edelgard takes your silence for what it is and speaks up again.  
  
“I feel so free,” her voice is like a breeze. “I’ve never been able to speak so openly about my feelings and thoughts. But now that everything is out in the open and everything has once again been taken from me I can.”

She smiles gently at you and you feel panic rise in your stomach. “I suppose there’s one thing I have never told anyone.”

She waits for a while, perhaps hoping for a response. When you give none she continues.

“Would you mind if I share it with you now?”

You don’t trust your voice, so you simply nod, a little too hard.

Seemingly content with the confirmation she smiles briefly and opens her mouth to speak.

But no words come.

“…I,” she begins, but abruptly closes her mouth again. She lowers her head to stare at some rocks in front of her, a puzzling expression on her face.

Suddenly she raises her head and laughs awkwardly. You notice her cheeks are faintly red.

“After all this time, and after all the things I just openly confessed, I suddenly have trouble finding the courage to say my final words of importance to you.”

“Please,” you say, and it sounds almost desperate. You never were someone of eloquence, but you could kick yourself for your choice in vocabulary over the last few minutes.

But there’s something in her eyes that give you the feeling that your emotions will fall into place if she does.

“I think I need to hear it,” you continue, trying to urge her on gently.

The ghost of a smile adorns her face. You wish she had more reasons to smile, it looks so beautiful.

“For you then, my teacher,” she says I'm quiet resignation, her voice barely a whisper.

You listen to her words with more attention and intensity than you ever have before in your life. 


	2. None of her Reason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following chapter has been made possible by:  
My depression.
> 
> Thank.

“For you then, my teacher,” she says in quiet resignation, her voice barely a whisper.

You listen to her words with more attention and intensity than you ever have before in your life. 

She begins stoically, although there is the slightest hint of a stutter in her voice. “I never had time or space in my life for bonds of affection. They were useless, dangerous or both. I cared for my classmates dearly, but in the end I knew I might lose them. I would not have dared to call them my friends, that would have been a betrayal on its own. Despite being my closest ally, Hubert was a strong reminder I was completely alone. He made sure of that. I was always alone, and that was how it was supposed to be”

She takes a deep breath and it’s apparent she’s struggling to go on.  
  
“But then you came into my life. And… and for the first time I wanted something. I wanted your praise, your affection, I wanted to bond with you. I was so glad when you chose our house, despite knowing I’d have to betray you one day. I hated myself for it, but if only I could indulge a little in the fantasy that I had a normal life as your student, just for a while, then it would be enough. That’s what I told myself.”

She shifts uncomfortably against her restraints, trying to find a position that won’t hurt her bruised legs as much.

“But it wasn’t enough, my teacher. I wanted more, so much more. It was never enough. I wanted to… to walk with you, at your side. I wanted to be in the sun with you, instead of hiding in the shadows. …In the tomb it took all my willpower to oppose you. And oh how I wished I could have had you join me.”

“Then why didn’t you let me?” You interrupt in a harsh tone. You already know the answer.

“It was impossible. Your path was one of light. Your light couldn’t know my darkness. I would have never forgiven myself. It was better if you hated me” she responds calmly, as if it’s the most logical thing in the world.

“You could have given me a choice, instead of choosing for me,” you scoff.

“What would you have chosen?” Edelgard asks a little too quickly, a raw sort vulnerability apparent in her voice.

You find it impossible to answer that, for it would have been another kind of betrayal, but in your heart you know what you would have wanted to choose. You opt to simply smile at her, hoping she understands the conflict in your heart. You think your expression might look a little sad, you’re not sure.

To your relief she smiles back, it’s weary and tired, but the smile blooms on her face.

“I still would not have let you join my cursed cause, but it gives me great joy now to know you might have wanted to.” She falls silent for a long moment before adding softly, “Perhaps things would have been different if you had…” she shakes her head gently. “No, best not to dwell on such things.”

Neither of you says anything after that for a while, both lost in thought.

You’re in conflict. You still feel the rage bubbling under the surface of your skin, but there’s numerous other emotions swarming inside you as well. You recognize dread of what is to happen in the morning. A strong pang of pain in your chest. You’re already grieving, you realize. Or perhaps you’re grieving what could have been. You don’t know.

There are so many things left unsaid, and even though now is your final chance to say them, you find it impossible to come up with any words.

“Edelgard…” you begin but quickly fall silent again. You grunt in frustration at your own shortcomings.

She laughs quietly at you. “This is nostalgic, in a way,” she says lightly. “You never were one of many words.” A pause. “It’s alright, you don’t have to say anything to me. I’m glad I got to see you.”

“No,” you respond abruptly. “It’s not okay, Edelgard. I too, wanted to walk with you… I wish I could have.”

Copying her words is all you can do to convey the feelings that are hammering in your chest, but you breathe in relief at the fact that you managed to utter some kind of reciprocation. As you say the words you finally understand you mean them with all you have.

You don’t expect her to break like she does.

At first the tears begin to fall silently, but it only takes moments before she loses grip on herself. She lowers her head quickly, her shoulders heaving in tandem with her crying.

“I’m sorry,” she says in between sobs. You’re not sure if it’s for the crying or for everything else.

You mutely tell her it’s alright, anyway.

It just makes her cry harder.

She looks so vulnerable like this.

“It’s the one thing I wanted for myself,” she utters suddenly, her voice higher than normal. “I would have been yours, if only I could have. If only I wouldn’t have had to…” The chains attached to the heavy metal cuffs around her wrists clank in unison as she raises her hands to her face, shielding it from view as she cries on.

_Yours. _

You ponder the meaning of her words.

Your heart hammers in your chest. You’re not sure what she means, but the words reach you deeply. It doesn’t feel like she simply wanted to be a good student. It was more than that. It ran deeper. What did she want?

A friend?

A… a lover?

Your heart skips a beat.

Did Edelgard love you?

The thought gives you the feeling of painful but not unwelcome lightning in your chest. You wouldn’t mind, you realize. In fact, the more the thought settles in the more you realize you _want _it.

_Ah. _

For a moment all the turmoil chaos inside you stops moving, as if time itself stops. The rage and confusion and hurt and longing and that empty feeling whenever you thought about her. It all hangs still in the air.

Then it all comes crashing down.

You gasp as the pieces fall together. Not in a heap of chaotic rubble like before, but as a puzzle completing itself.

You understand now, why your former pupil caused so much rage inside you, when she left you to carve out her own path.

You grip the iron bars in front of you tightly before you speak, in an attempt to steady yourself.

“Edelgard?” You ask tentatively. She raises her head to look at you, wide purple orbs stained wet stare at you as she tries to stop the tears from falling. You don’t feel proud admitting this, but it makes her look beautiful.

Nerves threatens to overcome you but you push yourself on regardless.

“Were you… were you in love with me?”

You’re suddenly very anxious. What if you were wrong? Your stomach curls in tension. You’re not used to this.

She makes a sound somewhere in between a desperate sob and a hollow laugh and then, to your utter relief, she nods.

“I was,” she whimpers, her voice uneven. “I was so madly in love with you that I didn’t know what to do with myself.”

Your world spins.

You hold on to the bars tightly thinking you might fall if you don’t.

Unlike you Edelgard seems to regain her senses somewhat, and somewhere she finds the courage to speak. “So many times I was close to giving up on my plans, my path that was chosen for me, simply because you had smiled at me that day.” She shakes her head gently.

You wish she had.

You wish you smiled more at her.

It dawns on you what burdens she must have had at such a young age, if a smile from you was enough to make her doubt everything. How lonesome she must have been, how afraid she must have been. Carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, a weight she put there herself in some sort of way.

“I loved you so much,” she says with a soft sigh and some of the tension visibly disappears from within her.

Edelgard wipes at the tears with her sleeve in an attempt to dry her eyes, but immediately fresh tears wet them all over again.

“I still do,” she adds quietly.

You give her a long hard stare as you realize what this means. You think your heart might give out with how loudly it is beating.

She wraps her arms around herself and her voice is but a whisper when she continues.

“It’s alright if you hate me,” she begins and you feel a pang of something cracking inside you when you notice the faint stutter in her voice. “I expect nothing less. But let it be known that Edelgard from Hresvelg has loved unconditionally. She was not made of steel and ice. There was a good part in her, a part that was not a monster shrouded in darkness.”

Edelgard pauses a long moment before quietly adding “Unlike many other things inside me, my love for you was… no, _is _pure and free of corruption.”

She looks away from you, unable to meet your eyes as she speaks up again, her voice wavering.

“I have never spoken so freely. I never thought there would be a day where I could let myself be this vulnerable. It is… nice. Despite the circumstances I have never been this free. Thank you, for letting me speak.” She breathes out the final words.

You watch as she closes her eyes and smiles peacefully as the final tears fall from her eyes.

She looks so broken and so small.

She has utterly accepted her defeat.

Not only that, she has also accepted your assumed hatred for her.

You feel your heart split in two.

You ought to be angry or perhaps disgusted with this former tyrant confessing her love for you.

Not a single cell in you feels like that.

You’re surprised when you hear her gasp as if startled by something. You’re even more surprised when you realize it’s because she’s staring at you and you’ve been gripping the bars so hard that magic began to seep into it and a green glow coming from your hands is steadily creating cracks in the already rusted metal.

You hesitate for just a second, you really shouldn’t do this.

Well, to hell with it.

With one last hard tug and a release of your magic you break the already weakened bars and throw them aside.

Tentatively you step through.

Edelgard flinches, if only slightly, and leans back against the wall in protection, a frightened look on her face. Then, you see her shoulders relax and lower in defeat, as if she’s expecting the worst.

Whatever doubts you had vanish at the sight of her accepting whatever it is she thinks you’re about to do to her.

“No, no no no” you hear yourself say as you rush over to her. “It’s not like that.”

You are only half aware that you’re kneeling in front of her as you wrap your arms around her waist. It isn’t until you feel her warmth seep into your chest that you realize you’re hugging her tightly. You don’t regret it.

You hear the sound of metal chains rattle as she attempts to wrap her own arms around you. The chains are not long enough and she struggles against them awkwardly for a moment until finally settling for grasping the fabric of the front of your clothes tightly. You become aware that the cuffs around her wrists are laced with a strong magic, feeling its presence seep her strength and whatever potential magic she might have had. You feel an unjust anger course through you at whoever did this to her, despite knowing fully she’s a prisoner of war, a powerful, dangerous one at that.

You just hug her more tightly and softly rub your hand across the back of her lower waist, hoping to get some of the things you’re feeling across.

It seemingly works as she speaks up after a while.

“You… you don’t hate me?” She asks tentatively, as if she’s afraid of the answer.

“No, no I don’t think I do,” you respond a little too quickly and you bury your face into her shoulder.

Something small bursts inside you when you feel her smile against your own shoulder.

“Oh,” is all she manages demurely, despite usually being so eloquent.

You want to convey your feelings somehow, it feels wrong not to. Everything already feels wrong anyway. It _is _all wrong. You try not to think.

You move your head back a little and meet her eyes, red from crying and weak from everything else but still something fierce and powerful lurks behind them.

You kiss her on the forehead. It’s a long, soft kiss. As tender as you possibly can. You don’t have much experience with being tender but you think you’re doing a decent job.

As you retreat you heart does something funny when you see her expression. It’s vulnerable and raw, as if she’s baring her heart open to you while at the same time fully expecting you to trample on it. Her heart is all she has left, you realize, and she’s offering it to you.

No matter what happens to us, what burdens are laid upon us, it’s in our hearts that we are free.

As if on impulse you move your head in again and kiss her on the lips this time.

It’s chaste and neither of you moves your lips. Her lips are chapped and cold. You’re not sure yours are in any better state.

But such details don’t matter, your intention is clear. She must know what you mean with it, despite you not being able to say it out loud. It’s too painful for you. And too new.

When you break the kiss you watch her facial features change as realization begins to settle in.

There’s a split second of peace in eyes, years of abuse, trauma and doubt simply absent from them. She’s tranquil and it awes you that you’re the one who made her feel like that. In that short moment you forget about everything else. There’s only you and her. The world and all of time and space be damned.

Then, the weight of reality crushes whatever moment of peace she had found.

It’s not a pretty sight.

Several expressions rapidly move across her features before you can clearly see the anguish bloom.

She makes a guttural, desperate sound.

She gestures frantically with her hands, the chains rattling angrily in tandem with her movements.

“I could have had… We could have had… and in the end it was all for _nothing_” she only barely manages to utter in a strained voice before despair takes over. Tears, which only dried moments ago, begin to fall again. “Oh _God_,” she all but shrieks and quickly buries her head in your chest, a vain attempt to muffle the sound. But you can still hear her muted scream clearly.

It pierces your ears, and then your heart.

You too begin to cry, only silently.

You hold her tightly as panic and desperation overcomes her. She’s screaming into your chest with all her might and with none of her reason.

No words are forming, but she doesn’t have to. You understand her feelings, they mirror your own after all.

Anguish and regret over what could have been.

You’re both mourning the loss. Both of the past and the future.

If only she hadn’t been forced on that dark path, if only you could have taken her hand and put her on your own path.

_If only you two could have walked together._

Things might have been different. She wouldn’t be here, crying out in some dark cell, waiting to be executed like a prisoner of war, like a monster. Hated by the world.

You feel like your failed her somehow.

You reached Claude, you even reached Dimitri. Why couldn’t you have reached her?

One of your arms holds her tightly, while your other hand gently goes through her hair, making a vague attempt to untangle it. She’s gripping your front with all her strength (which isn’t a lot, thanks to the handcuffs) and her knuckles are going white as she screams and cries her eyes out.

She’s not the valiant ruler or the promising student she once was. In your arms there is nothing but a young girl, broken and unable to cope with reality.

The reality that she has lost everything and that there’s no chance to get it back.

After all, she’s going to die tomorrow.

You feel sick again.

You don’t know how long it’s been before you hear hurried footsteps approach in the distance.

You vaguely realize it’s likely because of her screams.

The footsteps stop when they reach the cell. You hear the sound of gasps followed a sword being drawn.

When you look over your shoulder you see Claude put his hand on the half drawn blade of Dimitri, who exchanges a quick glance with him, then looks at the two of you until seemingly assessing that it’s safe enough before slowly putting his sword away. He doesn’t look too happy.

Edelgard has stopped screaming, startled, and looks up as well, her shoulders still heaving as she’s clearly trying her hardest not to make a sound. It doesn’t work completely, there’s still the occasional whimper.

You don’t let go.

If anything you tighten your hold, a strange determination overcoming you.

The two men look at you expectantly.

“What’s going on?” Dimitri asks, his voice tense.

“She can’t die tomorrow,” is your immediate and uncontrolled response. It’s somewhere between an order and a desperate plea, but you say it with as much authority as you can muster.

Claude puts his arm behind his head and sighs, seemingly beginning to understand what is going on. Dimitri looks confused yet not aggressive, poised upright with his arms behind his back.

As Edelgard attempts to regain herself and stifle her sounds the atmosphere in the room changes. The lines blur and the tension fades slightly.

Suddenly it feels like the four of you are back at the monastery, now more than five years ago. You’re their teacher, the one they go to for advice and guidance. The one they followed into battle.

It feels both like it was only yesterday and as if it happened a lifetime ago.

At first you weren’t too happy about being forced into the role of teacher. It didn’t seem like you. You weren’t used to talking a lot, nor being surrounded by so many people all the time. It seemed like a daunting prospect.

When the students enter your life that changes quickly however.

You’re very fond of all of them, and you know they’re fond of you too. They’re smart and talented, but young and inexperienced. You always hoped they wouldn’t realize you weren’t much better.

With the way they’re looking at you now, you don’t think they have.

They’re looking at you for answers.

Which means, you think to yourself, there is a chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dimitri: there's about a one in a million chance I'm not about to strike her down right here right now.  
Byleth: So you're telling me there's a chance. :D
> 
> For everyone who told me to make it better, I'm sorry. I made it worse.  
Don't get me wrong, she's my favorite character but Damn girl you could have made better choices


	3. Times long forgotten

You’re their teacher, you remind yourself sternly in an attempt to steady yourself. Or at least you used to be.

You hope it’s enough.

“We need to talk,” you say and release Edelgard from your grip, turning to face the two newcomers. You don’t miss how she moves her body ever so slightly along with yours, remaining the lightest of body contact as her shoulder touches yours. The other two don’t miss it either.

“It seems we do,” Claude answers and steps through the hole you created in your rage, he raises his eyebrows and gives you a long hard look before glancing at his companion.

Urged on by Claude, Dimitri follows tentatively, staring uncomfortably at all of you.

“I… uhm,” you begin. “She can’t die tomorrow,” you repeat lamely. You don’t know what to say. Or how to say it.

“So you’ve said,” Claude says and you’re grateful that he’s at least responding. The other male just looks down at the both of you coldly. You’re reminded it took you all you had to stop him from chasing Edelgard to the edges of the earth in blind rage. Now it’s going to take you all you have again to stop him from seeing her finished.

“Why though?” Claude follows up curiously.

You struggle for words. You can’t think of anything that doesn’t sound ridiculous.

_She’s in love with me, and I’m in love with her. I’ve never experienced anything like this and now I can’t lose her._

You’re horrified just thinking about saying it like that. It’s not that you’re ashamed of it, but your love is hardly reason to sway the final words of two young kings, it’s selfish. You learned that world politics are more important than the love of a single person. But your love doesn’t _feel _less important. You feel like you would singlehandedly take down every social construct and everyone involved if it would let you stay with her. But that’s how you feel, the reality is different.

In her turn, Edelgard’s feelings for you are not enough to redeem what she has done. It doesn’t magically make her a good person with a clean slate. Too much has been done, too many people have lost their lives, have gotten hurt because of her actions.

You close your eyes in frustration.

When you hear the rustle of footsteps and shifting of fabrics you open them once more.

To your utter surprise Claude moves towards the both of you and once he’s close enough, crouches and promptly proceeds to sit next to you.

“Let’s talk about this like equals then, teach,” he says gently, nodding to you and then, surprising you even more, to Edelgard.

You’re sure your face looks perplexed.

You don’t think you’ve ever been more grateful to him in your life.

He glances over to Dimitri, who is still standing, and gestures for him to sit as well. The blonde haired man looks pale and his eyes are cold, calculating.

He doesn’t move.

Several long moments pass.

You forget to breathe.

Then Dimitri takes a tentative step forward.

And another one.

He looks at you, and then at Edelgard.

You think he might just decide to cut her down himself right here, right now.

You feel as if Dimitri is thinking about that just the same.

He’s staring at her intensely, and she’s staring back, not as a competition but in an open, accepting manner. You fear that she’d accept it were he to strike her down, like she feels she deserves it.

You breathe in relief when the king doesn’t raise his blade.

Instead he miraculously takes seat on the ground as well, furthest away from the two of you.

“Thank you,” you say softly to the both of them.

“Please don’t,” Dimitri responds curtly.

You nod.

“It seems the two of you,” Claude says, gesturing to you and Edelgard, “have reached some sort of understanding. Am I correct?”

You respond that he is.

He sighs. “Teach, she’s a convicted murderer. She tried to kill you, us multiple times. Actually, you know very well what she has done. I don’t need to tell you that.” He looks sheepishly at Edelgard. “No offense.”

Thankfully she doesn’t respond beyond slightly lowering her head. You don’t think of anything she could say that would work in her favor.

But neither can you.

_But I love her, isn’t that enough? _Your heart helpfully supplies.

“She needs to be punished for her crimes against the people and the land,” Dimitri adds, his voice still cold.

Both of the men look at you, expecting some sort of logical argument.

You numbly stare back at them as you feel panic lap at your heartstrings. Your silence says it all. You have no defense ready.

A soft nudge to your side draws your attention away.

“It’s alright, professor,” Edelgard says gently, as if not to startle you.

“_You _don’t get to speak,” Dimitri hisses, turning to Edelgard again. She stares back at him hard and for a moment fear grips you. It’s almost like they’re back at the academy days, stuck in an everlasting competition.

No one says a word.

She could stare him down if she wants to.

Instead, after a moment too long and too close for comfort, she is the first one to look away. As if she just wanted to proof there was still something of life left inside her.

Dimitri scoffs.

You’re close to panicking.

“Aah, it’s been so long, hasn’t it?” Claude speaks up suddenly breaking the uncomfortable silence, and you find yourself grateful to him once again.

“What has been long, Claude?” Dimitri responds impatiently, clearly not in the mood.

“Since the four of us were alone like this. You know, talking without weapons at each other’s throats,” he laughs, attempting to relieve some of the tension.

“Claude…,” the blonde young man replies warningly, turning to him as he gauges the situation.

“No, don’t say it’s different, don’t say neither of you weren’t pretending back in the day. Don’t _act _like teach wasn’t the one to drag you from the depths of despair as you were blindly chasing after her like some madman. She saved you, she saved us all. And if she thinks there’s something, anything redeemable about Edelgard as well we ought to let her speak up. You owe her that much. We both do.”

Dimitri is quiet for a moment before he gives a strained nod.

Claude stretches his arms and arches his back, pretending he isn’t tense at all. “So,” he continues and focuses his attention on you once more. “Let’s do that, let’s just, for once in our lives, simply talk.”

And you do.

You turn your attention to Claude, pretending for a moment the other two aren’t there. It’s easier and you don’t feel as judged. You know they’re listening however, and everything you tell Claude is meant equally for their ears.

You find your words. You tell more about yourself then you ever have before. You begin to talk about things that happened long before they even entered your life. About your past, your doubts and fears and struggles. About how you didn’t know what future was in store for you, and you didn’t dare to hope for a good one.

You talk about your first time at the academy, about how nervous you were and how you felt so out of depth. You talk about the students, not just the three in front of you but all of them. How they began to give you confidence. You talk about your hopes for them and the future that was coming for them. You tell them how much you grew to love them, all of them, as you watched them grow and learn. You have to make an effort not to glance and smile at Edelgard, feeling that this wouldn’t help the tense peace that hangs in the air. Instead you continue and tell them how terrified you were as they followed you into battle, trusting you completely. You tell them how much it hurt to see them drift apart, or maybe how you slowly began to notice there had always been a rift between them in the first place.

You don’t know how long you’ve been speaking uninterrupted, but suddenly you become aware your speech about yourself has turned into a two sided conversation with the brown haired king.

He in turn begins to talk about his doubts he had when he was a student. The feeling of always being left in the dark while the other two class heads were stuck in a competition of in secrets and forbidden knowledge. He talks about how discouraged it made him feel. He says he’d often feel unworthy of being a class leader. He only acknowledges you as he speaks, but it’s clear he’s talking to all of you. You understand what Claude is doing, defusing the tense situation, and you’re forever in his debt because of it.

“I was jealous of you, you know,” Dimitri suddenly says, joining the conversation. “Despite being a prince yourself you always seemed so carefree. As if everything came naturally to you.” Edelgard gives him a careful glance, before she gives the faintest nod in agreement as well.

Claude laughs. “Well that was a huge lie.”

He gets a hint of a grin in response. “It seems we weren’t the only one with secrets, then.”

You find yourself smiling and next to you, you feel Edelgard smile cautiously as well.

The tension in the room dissipates as Dimitri joins the conversation. It’s more calculated and controlled than the two of you, but he’s doing his best. He too talks about his days at the academy, the struggles he had and the inferiority complex he developed, fearing he couldn’t keep up. Then, he continues to talk about the years after. He openly speaks up about his mistrust of Claude of you and also of Edelgard, who listens intently, an open look on her face. He talks of his hatred that he couldn’t express properly. Of the rage and pain he felt and how thankful he is now that you came to his rescue, joining you, him and Claude together.

Edelgard is still leaning against you and you feel her stiffen at his words.

Suddenly the blue king turns his attention to the former empress.

“Would you have done anything differently, if you could have?” He asks her directly. His voice is free of malice.

She looks at him with a slightly puzzled look, as if determining if it’s alright to speak. After exchanging a quick look with you and with Claude she speaks up.

“Yes… I would have made sure my siblings survived,” she says quietly. “Instead of me.”

A smile ghosts over her face before adding, “I think they would have made a much more amicable competition for you.”

You understand just how deep those words run, if she hadn’t survived maybe none of this had happened. She never wanted herself to end up in this position. She would have rather died.

“I never quite understood what happened to them,” Claude says.

“Do you want to know?” she replies, looking at the both of them.

“I do,” it is Dimitri who responds instead of Claude, much to your surprise.

She takes a moment before she begins to talk.

First she begins by naming them all, starting with the eldest and ending with the youngest. She briefly touches down on each of their individual traits, those of the older ones much more defined than the youngest. They were too young to have developed enough individuality, after all.

She starts to struggle when she talks about the experiments and subsequent suffering.

She’s clearly not used to this, having never spoken to anyone about her past in such detail. Her voice begins to quiver and there is the occasional stutter as she carries on.

The three of you grow uncomfortable as she begins to talk about their deaths.

She’s downright crying as she does. But she carries on regardless, her words become harder to make out as they mix with restrained sobbing.

There aren’t too many details, she either wasn’t present or spares the lot of you them, but it’s clear they suffered greatly. And she along with them.

It’s a miracle she survived, really.

Despite her tears its apparent she’s not asking for pity, not at all. She’s not the victim in this story. She’s not crying because she feels sorry for herself, or because she’s attempting to gain favor from the other people in the room. No, she just wants to get this off her chest, speak about it for the first and last time in her life, before it’s too late. Her swansong of freedom.

And no one can blame her for her tears.

There’s only the briefest hint of rage as she mentions the perpetrators, the ones who experimented on her siblings and her, and those who ordered it to be done. Her body twitches ever so lightly and the chains rattle faintly as her hands are balled into fists.

She looks so tired, so weary of it all as she speaks. You wish you could take it away from her, and see her alive with youthful, unencumbered life.

Edelgard concludes her story with her survival and subsequent journey to the academy, saying how she was looking forward to the academy life, but also being plagued by the thought of what she was set out to do there. She quietly adds how she used to pretend to be just a normal student, from time to time. Her silly moments of peace.

“Thank you,” she says softly to no one in particular. “For letting me speak.”

Both Dimitri and Claude have visibly paled.

None of you dares to ask her any more questions.

She just looks at all of you, a small grateful smile adorning her worn and tear stained features. She looks like the burden on her shoulder has decreased, if only a little.

“I suppose,” Claude starts, and he’s very calculating in his words, “that your priorities must have been a little different from the rest of us when you came to the academy.”

She smiles at him through the tears, grateful for the understanding.

They don’t forgive her, and neither do you.

That’s not what all this is about. Her crimes cannot be forgiven. But for a moment and even just a little, the four of you simply _accept _each other for who you are and what you did.

You forgot who speaks up first but suddenly you find yourself in a conversation

For the first time in your lives you simply talk, like equals. About easy things. Your classmates, the curriculum, the odd amount of animals at the monastery. They’re more open about the details of their lives, their opinions and experiences that they always had to hide from everyone in fear of showing weakness, of being strange, of showing your true nature. It’s the things they really wanted to discuss with one another, back in the day. The things they might have shared as insecure teenagers if they had had the opportunity to be friends.

You find yourself laughing with them and smiling with them as they recall fond memories. You feel for them as you see them now, talking like this for the first time even though they should have been doing it all the time.

The subject turns to you and your skills as a teacher. You feel so warm inside when all three suddenly laugh at you, saying how ridiculously strange it was how knowledgeable and competent you were in most subjects, but completely clueless when it came to anything related to the church and its history.

You explain why, how your father kept you in the dark in fear of Rhea finding out who you really were.

Embarrassed, they apologize to you but you shrug it off and laugh about it. They end up laughing with you and comment on how Rhea must have wanted to pull out her hair in frustration at your obliviousness to it all.

The atmosphere in the room becomes almost pleasant for a little while, and you get lost in time with them.

That is, until Edelgard brings all of you back to reality instantly.

“I think I want to die. Tomorrow I mean.” she says suddenly.

Her words make you feel frozen on the spot.

You realize she’s talking to you.

Fear grips you and you shake your head at her.

To make things worse she just smiles at you in return.

“Do not get me wrong, I do not regret my actions. I did what I had to, what I could. For all this time I believed I had to singlehandedly save Fódlan or else everything me and my siblings had to go through would have been for nothing.”

You understand what she means. The trauma must have damaged her and her senses severely. Rational thought crumbles under long periods of severe stress and trauma. You’re reality changes and you’re just trying to survive and go on as a broken individual, desperately hiding the cracks from others. You understand, and you think Claude and to a lesser intent, Dimitri do as well. He went through enough trauma himself, though unfortunately much of this was caused by Edelgard.

The rest of Fódlan, however, might not understand so easily.

She turns to Dimitri and Claude and continues after a moment of silence.

“Because of that, I hid my intentions from you, I could not let anyone see weakness. I had to force the change that was necessary myself.” She closes her eyes and a wistful look crosses her features. “Perhaps, in another life, I could have seen things differently.” She glances at you.

“And now, my dear teacher, I’m afraid there’s no place left for me in this new Fódlan you’ve helped create,” she says and smiles.

You gulp and reach toward her again, grabbing her upper arm slightly.

“But I wanted…,” you begin and before the doubt and chaos in your mind can take over, you manage to continue to speak. “I wanted to create a Fódlan for all of us” quietly you add “and for you especially, Edelgard. I wanted you to have a place here in this world.”

There’s a long uncomfortable silence. You watch as a tentative, fragile happiness blossoms over Edelgards face. She doesn’t say anything however, as it would surely break this peaceful moment.

You look at Claude, and you find him staring at you with an intent look in his eyes and as small smile around his mouth.

_Does he know?_ You wonder. You’re not sure what to think of that, but oddly it gives you hope.

It was to be expected when Dimitri speaks up first.

“There is no place for her in the Fódlan anymore because _she_ almost destroyed it,” he says accusingly. “All of you in this room know this, especially her.” He gestures over in the former empress’s direction.

Your brittle peaceful moment crumbles.

You feel Edelgard cling to your arm unabashedly. If things get out of hand this might very well the last time the two of you can touch like that. She’s not looking for protection or rescue, it seems. She doesn’t look afraid. She just wishes to be close to you. You put your hand on hers and gently squeezes. She responds by tangling your fingers together. You feel your heartbeat soar, still unused to these intense emotions. It hurts, but it’s all so pleasant too.

There’s a long silence.

You look at Claude, who’s looking at you, and then at your fingers tangled together with the fingers of the trembling former tyrant leaning against you.

“So it’s like _that_ huh, he says, gesturing at your closeness with the other woman.

You give a calculated nod.

“No,” Dimitri abruptly says. “That woman,” (and you don’t miss how he refuses to call Edelgard by her name) “has to die, Fódlan will always be in danger with her alive. Even if we let her rot in a heavily guarded prison there will always be the risk that some of her supporters will find her location, break her out and try to rally the armies and houses that lost behind her. Fódlan will never be truly save with her alive.” There is no aggression in his voice, and you think that you detect even a hint of remorse in his tone. “She has to die. For Fódlan. For all of us.”

You grow quiet as you think of solutions. Your first instinct is to make a break for it, but Edelgard is still chained to the wall and even if you managed to get past the kings, you wouldn’t know where to go. Edelgard might be of help here, this is her palace after all. Surely she knows secret entrances, exits and escape routes. But even then. The two of you would either starve to dead hidden in some safe room, or make it out of the palace, set a few blissful footsteps of freedom before being struck down by one of the many people with weapons in and around the palace. It wouldn’t surprise you if the perpetrator would be Dimitri himself.

No, you quietly rule that out.

Another thought strikes you.

“I wish to die with her, then,” you say boldly, and you hope it sounds less impulsive than you’re feeling.

It takes a mere second before it becomes clear that everyone else in the small cell find this an extremely bad idea.

Edelgard gasps and speaks up first, interrupting both Claude and Dimitri as they attempt to protest as well.

“No,” she says quickly, her voice uncharacteristically loud. “I will not stand for that. I will not let you sacrifice yourself like that. I’m not worth it. I… I couldn’t live with myself if you did.”

“Well you wouldn’t have to…” you add sheepishly.

This time all three lords yell various protests in unison.

Some part of you secretly think it’s a little endearing, seeing your three former students yell at you angrily, all because they care for you.

You don’t express that though, for their sentiment.

“I simply don’t see how I could live without her in this world, the world you all worked so hard to create… in various ways.”

“With all due respect, teacher, experiencing… heartbreak is part of life. I understand that it is hard, but we have to do what is right.” Dimitri says in a soothing yet stern voice.

“If executing Edelgard is right then I wish to die with her. And that is my final answer.”

You wonder if you’re bluffing. You don’t think you are.

Truth to be told, you were uncertain about your future in a peaceful Fódlan. All you know is how to wield weapons, and teach others how to do it. You aren’t sure there is a place for you in this new world either. You could go back to being a mercenary, technically. There will always be scuffles after all. But the thought seems extremely unappealing after all you’ve been through. Even less if Edelgard isn’t in the world.

What would you even be fighting for?

Before Garreg Mach you never thought about this, you just swung your sword. When you entered the monastery it suddenly became all you thought about.

Now that the fighting is over and peace has come you have nothing left to fight for.

Well, except for Edelgard that is.

Your newfound realization of love gives you great strength and a desire to protect her to the point it’s making you feel delirious. You probably aren’t being rational about this.

Yet, you think, you truly wouldn’t mind dying alongside her, if it has to come to that.

You become aware that the three of them are discussing something, or rather, it’s the four of you and you just haven’t been listening.

They’re unanimously deciding you should not die. While it’s nice to see the former class heads agree for once, it’s not something they get to decide for you.

“I will kill myself,” you say determinedly. “I’ll find a way.”

They stop talking to turn of you.

“Teach, always so stubborn. But this time you’re taking it too far.”

“This is ridiculous. You want to give up your life for her? After all you’ve done for this world?”

“I must agree with them, my teacher. I simply am not worth dying for.”

Edelgard’s words hit you deep. She definitely is, you think. And she’s also worth fighting to the death for.

You shake your head valiantly.

They all sigh deeply.

You’re at a stalemate.

No one says anything for a long time.

For a moment you simply enjoy the feeling of Edelgard's hand in yours. You consider playing with her fingers but you don’t think it would be a good timing.

Suddenly Claude groans, almost like he’s surrendering in a discussion.

“Well,” he says. “How about exile, then?”

_Exile_

Something sparks in your chest. It’s a flicker of hope.

“You know that wouldn’t work, Claude.” Dimitri all but spats. “She’s known throughout the lands, there’s no way the public will accept that. And if they find out they will hunt her down themselves.”

“It would be impossible,” Edelgard joins in, “My hair… it would stand out. People would surely realize who I am,” she says with a tinge of sadness.

The spark in your chest threatens to go out.

Claude sits up right and stretches once more, a serious look on his face.

“No wait, I have actually thought this through, for once.”

He shifts his position so he’s facing all of you.

“There’s a lot of villages on the far eastern outskirts of Almyra, untouched by the war. The people there aren’t traumatized by the past five years, the war never came close enough. The mad queen in red with white hair is barely more than a fairy tale to scare children over there.” He laughs and you see the hint of a smile on Edelgard’s face as she tries to hide it. “I have uh… some informants in a few of those villages. They could help. They could create a place for her to live and keep an eye on her should she… should you decide it’s time to plot against us again.” He says and looks at Edelgard, who raises her eyebrows slightly at the last remark. “Which I assume she wouldn’t.”

“As for the hair, Lysethia had a… similar experience to you, as you might be aware of.” Edelgard looks surprised, evidently she did not. “You might have been out of the loop. Busier with other things at first, I suppose, and recently you, well you were rotting in here. Anyway, I know you have two crests, just like Lysethia had, which is where your hair color comes from, right? It’s why they experimented on you in the first place.” A very pale looking Edelgard grips your hand a little tighter before nodding slowly, clearly surprised that her secret was already known by people.

“Well,” Claude continues almost enthusiastically, “Hanneman and Lindhardt worked hard and they’ve found a way to excavate the unnatural crest. Don’t ask me how. The magic involved is complex and it confounded me. But the point is they managed it. All that’s left for her is to grow her original hair back out. It’s coming along nicely.”

Edelgard is silent, afraid to speak for she might ruin everything. You all are. There’s a strange energy in the air, potent with a new solution.

“You can’t be serious Claude. After all she has done to Fódlan, to us, you just want to forgive her and set her free? You’re an idiot.” Dimitri says, breaking the atmosphere.

“She wouldn’t be free, there would be rules. Not leaving the village, for starters.”

“You know damn well that’s hardly a punishment for crimes as grave as hers.”

“Well you think of something better then, either we do this or teach hangs herself from a tree.”

Dimitri grunts in frustration.

“Besides,” Claude follows up, “The process of excavating a crest is… gruesome to say the least. It’s not life threatening but the process is extremely painful and takes some time. For Lysethia it took three days before it was done, and hers was only a minor crest.”

Edelgard shivers against you, and you assume for a moment she’s back to the days of her experiments.

Claude folds his arms over one another and suddenly a grin blossoms on his features. “And I, for one, look forward to see our high and mighty former queen rot away in a tiny village. I hope you like fishing.”

Edelgard’s expression tells everyone that she doesn’t.

Perhaps exile would be more of a suitable punishment than death, you think. It would give her enough time to experience regret, while at the same time helping her grow past her trauma and mistakes.

And at the same time you selfishly feel happiness at the thought of keeping her in the world.

_But._

“If this is truly an option,” you say. “Then I am very grateful.”

Claude nods.

“But,”

Claude looks at you worryingly.

“But what?”

“I’ll be going with her,” you say resolutely.

Immediately Claude groans.

“Teach…” he says wearily, his voice sounding tired.

Next to him, Dimitri abruptly stands up and turns to exit the cell.

You hold your breath. If Dimitri walks away, if he disapproves of this then the entire plan is futile, it all hinges on him. And you know how deep his hatred for Edelgard runs, or used to run. You don’t know at this point.

“I won’t be hearing any of this” he says and begins to walk away.

You feel all hope leave your body.

As he enters the hall filled with rows of empty cells he adds “you lot work out the details,” and promptly walks away.

Hope and happiness and everything else sprouts in your chest. You could hug him.

As soon as you get the chance, you will.

As his footsteps echo away in the distance you turn to the other two people in the room.

You feel strange, almost giddy. Claude looks pleased with himself. Edelgard just looks confused, as if she isn’t quite grasping the reality of it all.

You smile at them.

There are important things to discuss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really wished for these children to sit the fuck down and talk about their fucking problems before all of them decided to go full murder morons on a one man quest to 'do the right thing'. Goddamn teenagers.  
But Nintendo doesn't give me nice things so I wrote it myself. 
> 
> Based Claude for being a bro.


	4. Trials and preparations.

There’s much to be done, to be discussed, arranged and settled. The three of you spend several more hours in the prison cell, alternating between discussing the details of Edelgard’s (and yours, after several rounds of convincing Claude) exile and simply chatting the time away, talking about memories you thought they had long forgotten.

In the end you come to an arrangement. First of all, Edelgard is not to leave the village, under any circumstances. Should something happen to the village, like it becoming abandoned, for whatever reason, she is to be located to a similar village. She is to change her name, her manner of speaking and her hairstyle. You (and yes, you get to join her, after some more insisting) are not subscripted to such harsh conditions, but even you have to take precautions.

The first thing that has to be done is the process of removing her crest. She pales at the mere mention of it but doesn’t object. You admire her braveness and fiercely wish there was another way of getting her old hair color back. There simply isn’t.

Three days after your breakdown in the cell Hanneman and Lindhardt are ready to start their procedure. In the meantime Edelgard was moved to slightly more comfortable chambers. Less chains but still magic locks on the door. You begrudgingly agreed to it. You visited her every day in the cell and now you’re sitting just outside the room where the procedure is being done.

You burst in the first time you hear her scream. You get ushered out by a very worried Lindhardt but you have just enough time to see Edelgard smile at you reassuringly. This is a familiar process for her, you realize. It just makes you feel worse.

You opt to sit in silent agony just outside the room, wincing at every noise of pain you hear.

Much to your surprise, Dimitri joins you not long after. You wonder why at first and almost ask, but as he visibly pales alongside you, simply let him.

It takes another five long days for the procedure to be finished.

Each day you and Dimitri sit there in quiet support. Each evening you get to visit her as she’s recuperating with whatever time she has. Usually she falls asleep within the hour.

When Hanneman and Lindhardt come to tell you that it’s done and she’s asleep for now, before taking their leave, Dimitri finally speaks up.

“I wanted to see for myself…,” he begins before hesitating. “To make sure there was some kind of adequate punishment for her.”

You feel anger rise in you at the words.

“But I was wrong, I feel sick,” he continues and he’s visibly pale and emotional. “It’s not punishment that will make me forgive her. It is me who has to do so. I’m not sure I can ever fully forgive her, she simply hurt me too much for that, but I see her as more human now than I did before. I have made peace with your decision. Thank you, and I’m sorry,” he adds, “for having been selfish like this.”

Your anger subsides, if only just a little. You simply nod at him, acknowledging his words but not soothing his guilt in any way. He awkwardly leaves you to your thoughts after that.

Some part of you understands Dimitri’s inability to forgive her. He was obsessed with revenge, of taking her down, after feeling so utterly betrayed by his childhood friend. You managed to save him from the brink of self-destruction, as he was on some suicidal rampage to get back at her, sacrificing everything he had. It must be hard to let that goal, which he pursued for so long with so much emotion, go. It’s selfish of him, you think, but it’s also very human. In the state he is in now you feel you can safely leave rebuilding the world to him, Claude and their fellow former students. You’re relieved you no long have to take part in that.

It isn’t long until you hear her quiet voice call for you, as if knowing you’d be there. You enter hurriedly. The first thing you notice is that her hair is still white, you don’t know what you expected, really. It has to grow out, of course.

She looks tired and pale and so weak. Except her eyes. Her eyes are shining and full of life. You hurry to her side and grab one of her hands. She tightens her grip around your fingers and you feel something in your heart blossom.

“Hey,” she says and smiles at you. There’s no title to address you. No teacher, no professor. Just you.

“Hey,” you reply sheepishly and smile back.

“They’re finished,” she follows up.

You nod.

“That means I’m free.” She stares wistfully at the ceiling after that. “It’s funny. I will be imprisoned in that village for life, yet I feel more free than I’ve ever been. I’m no longer heir to the throne, an emperor, or the bearer of two crests. I’m just me now. I’m looking forward to just being a villager. It’s a whole new experience for me.” She laughs quietly after that.

It’s a relief to hear. You were afraid she was dreading the prospect, seeing it as some forced and pitiful extension of her imprisoned life. But she seems to be feeling none of that. Perhaps you underestimated her. At least you fully understand now that when she said she never wanted to be the emperor, she means it.

“I will be there to accompany you,” you remind her, and perhaps yourself. _This is real. _

“Yes, indeed,” she laughs happily, “you have never really experienced living in a village yourself have you? Then it will be a new experience for the both of us.”

“I hope it’s a nice village,” you say. “With a few shops and a tavern and lots of nature to surround ourselves with. And I hope we can add something to it, with our skills and experience.”

She nods. “That would be nice.”

The two of you spend the next few moments talking about the possibilities of your future homes. What you’re expecting and hoping for, what fears and doubts you have and what makes you uncertain. But most of all, the excitement of the future shines through the conversation. It’s clear Edelgard feels uncertain she is capable of adjusting to her new life, but having you at her side gives her the confidence she needs to let that go. Together you can do this.

“I’m going to teach you how to fish,” you exclaim excitedly.

She pales a little, a serious look adorning her features.

“Professor, I’ve… I’ve never been the most patient of people. At least not when I have nothing to occupy myself with. I’m used to being overwhelmed with sensations.”

You tighten your grip on her hand a little.

“Then this would be a great opportunity to learn how to relax a little.”

She smiles at you, slightly uncomfortable, and slowly nods.

“…Alright then.”

You laugh inwardly and you’re pretty sure you’re smirking. This is going to be great.

The next weeks creep by at an antagonizing slow pace. The two of you have to wait for her hair to grow out. Her white hair isn’t cut off just yet, all of you feel that would be unnecessarily inhuman, but you’ll have to wait until the new color is long enough that it’s at a length no one will bat an eye at.

You like the new color. It’s a light brown which you don’t see that often. It doesn’t take long for it to start showing through the white, first just at the roots but in weeks’ time it’s long enough that it reaches her ears from the top of her head.

She’s moved to a more comfortable cell to regain her strength and wait for her hair to grow. You visit her every day and every day you talk with her about what is new in the world. She listens intently and sometimes offers her thoughts on how she’d solve certain problems.

Only some of her former classmates are let in on her exile, and none of those know where she’ll be going exactly. They were not allowed to visit her but one day Dorothea storms in regardless.

She immediately begins to cry when she sees Edelgard.

You stand up in a weak attempt to get her to leave, fearing the consequences, but she moves right past you and props herself on the bed Edelgard was sitting on.

“Oh, Edie…” she begins but tears threaten to take over and she takes a moment to cry. It’s an endearing sight, seeing the old friends like this.

“I thought… When I heard you weren’t… Oh, Edie I just ­_had _to see you.”

Edelgard seems happy to see her, smiling despite saying that the other woman really shouldn’t be here.

“Claude let me,” Dorothea explains. You wonder, as it’s been almost four weeks since the plan to exile her was created, how long Dorothea has been harassing Claude before he caved in.

“Well I suppose it can’t be helped then,” Edelgard sighs almost playfully.

The three of you talk amicably for some time, careful to avoid the more sensitive topics. You’re once again surprised how well versed Dorothea is in the art of casual conversation while still managing to convey all her emotions and drawing out those of others in a pleasant manner as well.

“And ­_you,_” she suddenly starts, staring you right in the eyes. “How dare you leave us to… to go play house with her in the middle of nowhere!” she says in faux exasperation.

You immediately blush and see Edelgard stiffen as well.

“Ah,” Dorothea says in quick succession, smirking. “So it is like _that._” She points with her finger ominously.

Neither of you know how to respond, not sure if you should deny or not.

Luckily Dorothea saves the both of you once again.

“It’s alright,” she says, much calmer now, “I just wanted to make sure, you know, that she’s well taken care of. I see that I have nothing to worry about.” She playfully taps your shoulder.

In one movement she suddenly closes the distance between her and Edelgard, and for a moment you thought she was about to kiss the other woman. Instead she moves her head to the side of Edelgard and whispers something you can’t make out. You get an idea what the subject contains though, when Edelgard flushes red.

“Dorothea!” she exclaims and moves to put her hands to cover her face. Before she can do so Dorothea grabs them out of the air and pulls her in for a tight hug. Edelgard moves her hands awkwardly before putting them around the other’s shoulders, returning the hug.

When Dorothea is done you’re next and she hugs you tightly as well.

Then, she’s at the door. Tears are threatening to spill from her eyes again.

“Good bye, dearies,” she says and blows a kiss in your direction.

With that she’s gone.

“Well,” Edelgard says after a long silence, wiping a tear from her cheek herself. “That was something.”

“Indeed it was.”

You pause for a moment, then continue.

“Were you happy to see her?”

Edelgard smiles at you, it’s a sad smile. For the first time you understand just how much she is saying farewell to. “Yeah,” she sighs quietly.

Recognizing that she’s torn you move in to hug her from the side. She immediately leans against your chest and breathes out another sigh, wrapping her arms around yours.

“I’m going to miss her, all of them,” she says softly after a while.

You swallow hard. “Yes, me too.”

“Do you still want to go with me?” She asks uncertainly.

“Yes,” you reply without hesitation.

She smiles.

Nothing more needs to be said, the both of you are determined to make this work. You opt to simply hold her for a while, enjoying the feeling of her breathing against you.

“So,” you begin after a long silence, “What exactly _did _she say to you?”

She stiffens against your hold and you have to hold back a laugh.

“Oh, lord. I shall not repeat those words out loud.”

Both of you laugh after that.

* * *

The next day you get notified that Lady Dorothea has “left the capital on urgent business. For at least a month or two.”

You’re a bit sad at this newfound knowledge but you understand her well. It would have been hard on her knowing the two of you were leaving and she’d never see either of you ever again. She simply took her distance from you to cope.

There’s not much room left to be sad about it but instead, you find your mind dwell to Dorothea ever so often, for her strength, her purity and her bravery. She’s an admirable woman.

It takes another six long weeks for her hair to be deemed long enough. And each day you take some time from your busy schedule to visit her. You do this because first of all you genuinely do want to see her, but also because you want to prove your determination to her. That you are determined to be a proper partner for her once the two of you settle in the new village.

And yet, When it’s almost time for the last week to begin, Claude and Dimitri come to visit you in your chambers. You know why they’re here, and so do they.

“I am not to visit Edelgard anymore. Is that what you came here to tell me?”

“It’s just for this last week” Claude attempts to explain gently.

‘The people are getting suspicious, professor. They thought Edelgard had died weeks ago, after all.

“Can I see her one last time to say goodbye and explain?” You try, but already knowing the answer.

“No,” Claude says and there is a hint of sadness in his voice. “No, I’ll do that myself, if you don’t mind.”

You nod in acceptance.

After some small talk the two of them make their leave. Now you’re alone with your thoughts. All kinds of fears go through your mind. What if Edelgard escapes after all? What if she doesn’t believe Claude’s words? And… oh lord what if she doesn’t believe you are really coming with her, that at the last minute you decided to abandon her or something.

You stand up from your desk and decide to take a walk through the castle, making sure to avoid anyone, and try to clear your head and calm yourself. You wander through the corridors and passages. Her former palace. How beautiful it would have been to see her reign during the days. And then, in the evening, the two of you would have time alone. Hubert isn’t in this world anymore, which Edelgard still has to mourn for. She’s so hard on herself, you think.

And Rhea… Well Rhea is still in this world, but only barely. Thanks to the combined efforts of you and Claude. The two of you found out the truth behind Those who slither in the Dark. Their advanced weaponry and technology, things of which the science behind it can only baffle you. They will be a problem in the future.

As for Rhea, she was stripped of her power both symbolic and whatever powers she had under her control, along with Seteth and Flayn. Now they’re free to roam the earth. The only thing that wasn’t stripped from them yet was their immortality. That was after the three of them started begging one by one. Living a mortal life was simply too terrifying for them.

They were in a hall with over fifty people in the room, many of them your former students, and you’re there too. You’re somewhat displeased Edelgard wasn’t allowed to come, as Dimitri and Claude were here. There were some officials and war survivors you knew less well, too. They were the most unpredictable.

“What if I fall down the stairs?” Flayn said in a tiny voice to the people looking down at her in the large hall where their punishment was read to them.

You had chosen to sit in a corner up high, listening on intently.

“Yes, or what if I fall of a wyvern? That has happened before, you see” he says it curtly but even his tone is one of begging.

The people in the hall all murmur something incoherently. You strain to listen and you can make out some are in favor of letting the green haired god and demi gods keep their immortality, some are quite vocally, not.

Rhea scrapes her throat, and the murmuring dies down almost immediately. A stark reminder that while all of her political, holy and their own powers were gone, she still held some form of authority over people. Her true power, which could never be taken from her.

“I see where you are coming from, and I have accepted that it is time for humans to try and fend for themselves as well. Too long have I been trying, and look where my meddling brought you. I’m grateful for this chance.” She days and closes her eyes for a moment, as if trying to find the words.

When she opens her eyes again there is an ethereal shine in them. Something powerful and unrelenting, something ­_immortal. _For a split second you’re afraid she’s going to try something. She can still fight, even without her true form, though you are fairly certain you can take her on in in this state.

When she speaks up, however, all your fears ease away as quickly as they came.

Her voice is soft and melodious as she speaks.

“If you are to strip us of our immortality you might as well kill us now. In fact, we prefer that.” The other two nod in agreement. “All of our long lives we’ve spend centuries doing the same thing, we were creators, watchers, guides. We were eternal. We never thought about the consequences of death for us. If we’d become mortal as you we wouldn’t know what to do with ourselves. There isn’t enough time to build up a new life. We have no roots. As the eldest I will probably die the earliest and eventually Flayn will die somewhere alone. We aren’t strong enough to suddenly live with the thought that we could die at any moment. All of us would die fearing what is to come, half destroyed and paranoid.”

There isn’t a single sound as Rhea speaks.

“I hope to have explained enough as to why a mortal life is not cut out for us. Were you to let us keep our immortality, we’d spend our wandering and helping those in need. Not in the name of the church. But as ourselves. And if a king from either kingdom needs our help or assistance we’d be more than happy to help.”

She takes a deep breath before continuing “The war has hurt us deeply. No just me, Flayn and Seteth. No _all _of us. And I genuinely think that I can help rebuild and recreate for something I’m partially guilty of as well”

With that she moves back to the chair she was sitting in and sits down.

“Thank you for giving me the chance to speak, everyone.” She finishes quietly.

Everyone is silent for a long time. Unsure what they’re thinking, deciding. What the others are thinking, no one knows. 

The silence goes on.

Someone has to take the first step.

You think that, after all this time, you’re still the teacher to a lot of the people gathered here.

So without hesitation, you stand up, making sure the chair scrapes over the floor loudly.

Everyone in the hall turns to look in the direction of the sound and then when they see it’s you, several expressions turn from uncertainty to relief.

_The professor will know what the best solution is. _Is what they’re probably thinking.

“I have made a decision,” you begin. “I wish to let Rhea, Seteth and Flayn live on in the way they always have, where time is of irrelevance to them.

You see several people nodding in agreement. There’s no expression on the three green haired people’s faces. They’re cautious.

“But,” you continue. “I don’t want this decision be made by just me. Let’s do it fairly. Catherine?” You ask and she stands up a little too quickly.

“Yes, professor” she says in a fast pace.

“Please move to where Rhea is and stand in front of her, back turned against her so that you’re facing the crowd. After that I will explain what the plan is.”

It takes her several seconds to get into position. The two of them take a brief moment to smile at each other.

You begin to explain the plan. It’s quite simple really. Catherine will say ‘Everyone in favor of letting the three of them keep their immortality, please raise your arm.’ And then you count the raised arms. Catherine then does it for the other option ‘Everyone in favor of taking the immortality from the three of them, please raise your arm.’

“And then we count the raised arms again,” you say. “If you wish not to vote that is alright, then you don’t raise your hand in both situations. And for obvious reasons, you can’t vote contradicting answers, so you can’t vote on both occasions. Any questions?”

No one raises their hand, they’re following what you are saying, for most of them it’s because they were your students but for those who never were your student you seem to have enough authority for them to sway them along with your idea.

“Well then,” you say. “Catherine, I leave the word to you.”

She takes a while before she speaks up. “Well” she says and you can her how nervous she is, her voice wavering already. She scrapes her throat. “Alright. Thank you for participating in this trial,” she begins.

A pause.

“Who here is in favor of letting the three of them keep their immortality?” she says and fear of the outcome is evident in her voice.

For a short moment nothing happens.

But the fear wasn’t needed.

You’re the first to raise your hand. As if people were waiting for your command several people start to raise their hand as well. Some turn to look at you, as if looking for reassurance that they’re doing the right thing. It surprises you when you see both Dimitri and Claude raise their hands as well.

In the end it’s clear. The majority of the people have voted for them to keep their immortality. After a quick count the exact amount is forty-seven.

You glance at Rhea and her companions and there is a cautious small smile on their faces.

“Well then,” Catherine follows up after a while, even she is smiling. “Who is against letting the three of them keep their immortality?”

A few people, mostly the people you don’t know, raise their hand. Some glance at you spitefully before doing so.

Suddenly you’re very glad Edelgard isn’t here. She would definitely have voted against just to spite Rhea one last time.

After a quick count the about is eighteen. Several people cheer and even a few, like Marianne and Mercedes rush ahead to Rhea to express their happiness. Eventually more of your former students swarm the three former elites and they all talk amicably. Flayn is surrounded by Lysethia, Lindhardt and Bernadetta. Rhea adds Seteth to her group and several teachers and knights join them.

For the first time they’re all talking like equals. Not as a student to a teacher or a knight to their spiritual leader, but as friends and acquaintances.

You watch from the corner of your eye the ones that voted against silently leave.

After enjoying the sight of everyone talking to each other for just a bit longer, and at the same time making sure you won’t catch up to the people that left before you, you quietly make your leave.

Four more days. Then you get to see Edelgard again and then the two of you will be off to a new life

You have preparations to do, you need to get ready.

You spend the remaining four days in a frenzy. You’re cashing in all kinds of old favors. People to help you take the safest roads. People to accompany to the village in case it gets ambushed. You arrange the rations, the carriage with things like clothes they might need. (All of which are new clothes they’ve never worn, they aren’t allowed to bring anything from their former lives with them.)

After you’ve definitely found the safest route you’re done. It’s late and you’re tired so you all but fall into your bed. As you begin to drift off it occurs to you that tomorrow…. Tomorrow is the big day. You suddenly feel excited and laugh into your pillow. For a moment all your worries leave your body and you’re like a child so excited.

With such excitement coursing through your veins it’s hard to sleep, you toss and turn and the hour grows late before you finally manage to fall asleep.

You dream of flower fields surrounded by trees on a hill and in the distance, below you, is a village. You’re walking away from the village and in when you get to the middle of it you see Edelgard sitting against a tree, hair a mess of browns and whites. Her clothes resemble that of the academy, yet she looks much too mature to still be that seventeen year old girl. She’s surrounded by flowers and made herself a flower crown as she’s sitting there, eyes closed.

You thought she might be sleeping but when you get close her eyes open and she grins at you.

“I was waiting for you, Byleth.” Hearing your name on her lips awes you. It’s not the first time. But the first time she said it in agony, desperation and pain. Now it’s playful and gentle. You can’t help but smile at her.

“I’m sorry I’m late” you say. She gets up from her sitting position and grabs one of your hands. She tugs you along playfully. “Come on let’s run until we can’t anymore,” she says excitedly and begins to run, pulling you along. You would have thought you were way too serious for these kind of games, but perhaps that was the you of a long time ago. You begin to run alongside her, still holding her hand tightly. The both of you are careful not to trample the flowers and stick to the grass.

The two of you run through the entire flower field, laughing all the way. Edelgard aims for the direction of the village, saying she knows a shortcut through the forest. You follow her without hesitation. You’d follow her everywhere, you think.

The forest is a bit harder to navigate, but that just makes it more fun to do so. Fallen trees and weirdly grown branches and bushes are only some of the obstacles the two of you have to traverse. It becomes a bit of a race, but still one will pause to help the other over or under a particularly difficult fallen tree.

The two of you reach a small stream, too small for fish. But just big enough to be able to jump over.

Edelgard jumps over without hesitation and you hear her laugh as she lands, one foot on dry land, the other just in barely in the water. You attempt to do the same, both your feet hit the land but your foot slips and you threaten to fall backwards. Before that happens Edelgard grabs both your arms and pulls you against her with all her strength.

Too much strength, apparently.

Because the two of you topple over in her direction.

After a loud sound of two people falling and a yelp from Edelgard you find yourself on top of her. She’s smiling playfully at you. Without any fear or hesitation you close the distance between the two of you and kiss her. Instead of being surprised by it she kisses you back with equal vigor.

She wraps one arm around you and with her other hand she begins to draw circles on your back. You moan at the sensation and suddenly she laughs. “Not yet, my dear. I first want to show you the village.”

You nod sheepishly.

After getting up yourself, you help her up. She grabs your hand and the two of you begin to walk your way through the last stretch of the forest. The two of you speak very little, and instead simply enjoy the surroundings, each other’s presence and the body contact.

You become aware of vague sounds in the distance. The sound of a village. It doesn’t take much longer before the two of you reach the edge of the forest and when you do you run a few paces ahead into the grass, excited to see the village you’re apparently living.

Except. Much to your surprise and confusion the village is blurry. Like you’re looking at it through moving water. You can vaguely make out shapes of houses but they seem to be moving in gentle swirls.

Confused you look around, wondering if Edelgard knows more about this.

She’s still at the forest’s edge, smiling at you. You hadn’t realized how far you had ran ahead.

Slowly everything around you begins to go white and both you and Edelgard begin to fade as well. Panicking you try and rush to her. She’s shakes her head at you. “Byleth, it’s alright,” she yells and there’s still that happiness in her voice.

“My dearest,” she continues. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

With that she disappears.

Tomorrow?

What is tomorrow?

_Oh, it’s the day I’ve been waiting for!_

With that you bolt up from your blankets.

You’re awake. That was a dream. You need several moments to regain your senses. It felt so real.

You look outside. It’s dawn. It’s probably slightly too early but you just can’t resist waiting any longer. You rush to put on your clothes on. A pair of the new clothes appropriate for the village, they had been hanging here waiting for you for weeks now. Finally you can put them on. After you’ve finished preparing yourself and freshened up you hurry to her room. Or cell. The line is blurry these days.

* * *

When you enter her room one this day, you completely forget to knock. Once you’re inside your eyes immediately search for hers. You find them where Edelgard is standing in the corner, for a split second you’re confused. The eyes are definitely hers, but they’re a muted green instead of the usual shade of purple. Then there is everything else, all of which looks so different as well.

The brown color is at about shoulder length now and the remaining whites have been carefully cut off. When you take her in fully, she’s almost like a different person. With her simple garments she’s wearing and new haircut she hardly looks like a former emperor and much more like a village girl. You like it, a lot.

She smiles at you happily when you tell her so.

“So, did you sleep well?” she says and there is a smirk in her features.

You wonder if she knows about your dream. It’s unlikely but not impossible with several magic users around here. And if they are innocent there’s always Sothis who, even when supposedly dormant, can still do her magic from time to time.

“Yes, you were right.”

“Right in what?” she asks cheekily.

Before you can decide if you want to grace that with a response someone else in the room makes a soft coughing noise. It’s Dimitri, oh and Claude is there too. And Manuela, Hanneman and Lindhardt.

“If you’re ready, then we can start getting ready.”

You look at them apologetically and nod.

Manuela takes some time to explain to you the spell she used to change Edelgard’s eye colors. It’s permanent and fairly simple to undo, even by you. Except the person it is cast on can’t undo it themselves. You wonder what Edelgard thinks of that, but if anything she simply looks happy.

There isn’t much left to discuss. Everything has been arranged, all that’s left is to actually do it.

Everyone gets a serious look in their face as they get ready for action. They first need to get Edelgard out the castle without being noticed.

It’s the dawn of the last day of your old lives and also the dawn of the first day of your new lives.

A new feeling overcomes you. You feel magnificently giddy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay. Had a bit of an ehhhhhhhhhh week. But Yasss queen is back. 
> 
> Thank you for all the kind comments. I really appreciate them and my heart does a flutter every time I get a notification from one of you peeps<3
> 
> As for the people who said I was being too hard on El, that was kind of the point of his fanfic. I wanted to acknowledge her flaws and build on those and redeem her from those. Also, even if it's not completely justified and Dimitri is just a little bitch, I wanted to acknowledge the people she hurt personally with her actions. 
> 
> She's absolutely my favorite character, but I love her with all her trauma and flaws. (and some very bad choices!)
> 
> Thanks for reading:)

**Author's Note:**

> God I love Drama.
> 
> My own life is drama so I take it out on fictional characters and force them to have drama.


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